Renewing Hearts

I recently found out that I am not going to have a place to teach at our local community college in the fall. This summer will be the last time I get to do something that I have loved for quite some time now. I feel so bad about it.


First, I am so very sad. I love teaching. I feel so good when my students, “get it”. I love making them laugh and think about the subject matter with maturity and some good common sense. I made the classes fun and made them one that my students love to attend. I prepared classes, brought in special speakers on specific topics and of course, gave tough tests. All in all, I think I loved it and so did they. Now, the department does not have a place for me. I am crushed! All day I cried and then I got mad. Who was I mad at? I was mad at the new department head and mad at God. What did I ask myself? Is it me? Did I not do something correctly? Well, I asked myself a million questions but I won’t list them all!


I have a great husband who can pay the bills and our two daughters schooling. He helps out our son when he and his wife needs help, too. He is a good man. It makes me feel like one of the kids though, when I have to ask him for money. Am I dealing with a pride issue? I would love the freedom to be able to help the homeless, give to our church family, help out neighbors, go to lunch with a friend or be selfish once in a while and buy myself stuff I don’t really need! I have been able to do this for a long time while making my own money. Now, I can’t unless I ask for it. I am not good at that. I would rather go without.


Ok, so this is not nearly as bad as some of you who are the ones being depended upon for the main income. Some of you have nothing else to rely on. I just wanted to share with you my experience to show how losing a job has an affect on each one us, and that each one of us deals with it differently, but there are some commonalities.


In our economy just having the gas prices go up again is a killer for most. We are all being touched by this. We all need to deal with it. We all need to be sensitive to others in these situations because we never know when it is going to be us.


Should I be acting like the “victim” or should I use this situation to give me time to work harder on Renewing Hearts and seeing it grow to a national organization? Should I find another job? Should I move forward, wherever that may be? All these are good questions. I think I will attempt to answer them when the sadness calms down and when I can think clearly. I will take my own advice!!