Renewing Hearts

It is tough to be a woman in marriage for so many reasons. We tend to want to blame our husbands or children for all of our problems, but more often than not, it is just us, being women. Many of us need to stop working so hard. A good book that describes women loving “too much” and working way too hard is Women Who Love Too Much from Robin Norwood.

Many of us need to:

• stop being the control freaks that we tend to be.
• rest and trust more.
• stop making everyone else’s issues our responsibility to fix.

These books have been a good resource to many for years and still remain to be the best to get these issues across to women who are experiencing these characteristics within themselves. Men should read them too: Codependent No More: Beyond Codependency and Codependents’ Guide to the 12 Steps both by Melody Beattie.

It is important to learn how to vent our anger and frustrations out to the correct people and with respect. “ We need to learn how to speak the truth with admirable love and respect. This is not easy to do. It takes lots and lots of practice so that it becomes who we are. What comes out naturally is not always what is best.

Many women believe that respect is only something that should be given when their husbands deserve it or earn it. In Love & Respect: The Love She Most Desires; The Respect He Desperately Needs, Emmerson Eggerrichs disagrees. He tells women that respect is an essential piece that women should be giving to their husbands and that is as referenced as far back as Biblical times.

Emmerson states that when wives begin to show unconditional respect to their husbands, the natural response for men, is to love their wives, in the way that they cry out to be loved. Respect is an inate need and desire for men. This is not a religious tenet, but a deep emotional and psychological concept.

Change does not come easy, but it is very possible to make the change with proper guidance and practice. Sometimes we see many good changes occur when a good role model comes in to play or a good mentoring program is utilized.  A resource that gives women perspective on mentoring is Woman To Woman by Barbara Henry. This can provide a very visual and auditory method of learning for those who learn best in those ways.

Counseling, of course can be a very kinesthetic method of learning for those who learn best with “hands on” experiences. Working on specific areas of need, along with your husband or family members may be the best way to do that.

Disclaimer: This blog post is not to be a substitute for professional help or advice. Please consider seeking out professional help if you consider yourself to be at risk for any mental health related issues.